Depression is a tough battle, and chances are, you know someone who’s fighting it right now. In the U.S. alone, around 20 million adults have experienced at least one major depressive episode. That means millions of people are in relationships—romantic, family, or friendships—with someone facing this struggle.
And if you love someone who’s going through it, you naturally want to help. But knowing how to help can be tricky.
If you’re feeling a little lost, don’t worry. Here’s a practical, down-to-earth guide on what you can do to support someone battling depression while also taking care of yourself.
Step 1: Keep an Eye Out for the Signs
Depression isn’t always obvious. It doesn’t always look like someone lying in bed all day, crying. It can be subtle. So, before you can help, you need to know what to look for. It’s also important to be able to differentiate depression from burnt out.
- Losing interest in things they used to enjoy (hobbies, going out, even eating their favorite foods)
- Changes in sleep patterns (either sleeping way too much or struggling with insomnia)
- Changes in appetite (eating way more or barely eating at all)
- Constant fatigue or low energy
- Unexplained physical issues (like headaches, back pain, or stomach aches)
- Irritability or mood swings
- Feeling hopeless, worthless, or guilty for no clear reason
- Struggling to focus or make decisions
- Mentioning or hinting at self-harm or suicidal thoughts
Not everyone experiences depression in the same way, but if you notice a few of these signs in your loved one, it might be time to step in with some support. Researching doctors and becoming more educated on the topic of depression and what it is can also help.
Step 2: Start a Conversation
This is where things can get uncomfortable, but checking in is crucial. The key is to be genuine, gentle, and patient.
Try asking open-ended questions like:
- “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a little off lately. How have you been feeling?”
- “You haven’t been as into [insert activity] as usual. Is everything okay?”
- “I just want to check in—how are you doing, really?”
It’s important to let them talk without interrupting or trying to “fix” things. Just listen. If they’re hesitant or defensive, don’t push too hard. Instead, try something like:
- “Would you mind if I share some things I’ve noticed? Just to see if you relate.”
They might not open up right away, and that’s okay. Just making it clear that you’re there for them is a huge first step.
Step 3: Encourage Them to Get Help
As much as you want to help, depression is tough to tackle alone—and professional help can make a world of difference.
If they’re open to it, suggest looking into therapy or talking to a doctor. If they seem overwhelmed by the idea, you can offer to help with small steps like:
- Researching therapists or support groups together
- Offering to go with them to their first appointment
- Helping them make a list of things they want to talk about with a doctor or therapist
But what if they’re resistant? Try to frame it in a way that makes sense to them. For example:
- “I know you’re strong, and I also know that even strong people need help sometimes. You don’t have to do this alone.”
- “If you had a broken leg, you’d see a doctor, right? Mental health is no different.”
The key is not to force anything but to gently nudge them toward support when they’re ready. A great start is understanding the techniques used to help those with depression, such as CBT. Evolve Counseling in Fort Collins specializes in this to help retrain your brain to think more positively.
Step 4: Be There, but Set Boundaries
Being there for someone with depression doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own well-being. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so setting boundaries is necessary, not selfish.
Here are some ways to be supportive without burning yourself out:
- Encourage, but don’t enable. It’s okay to remind them to take care of themselves, but you don’t have to do everything for them.
- Listen, but don’t absorb their pain. Be there, but don’t take their struggles as your own.
- Keep your own mental health in check. Talk to a friend, a therapist, or a support group if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
- Know when to step back. If their depression is becoming too much for you to handle alone, help them find additional support.
Remember, supporting someone with depression isn’t about “fixing” them—it’s about walking alongside them as they navigate their healing process.
Step 5: Watch for Signs of Worsening Depression
Sometimes, depression can take a darker turn. If your loved one starts:
- Talking about feeling hopeless or like a burden
- Expressing a desire to “disappear” or not be around anymore
- Giving away their belongings or saying goodbyes
- Engaging in reckless or dangerous behavior
- Disappearing for days or going long periods of time without leaving their home.
These could be warning signs of suicidal thoughts. Take them seriously.
What to do:
- Talk to them openly. Ask them directly if they’re having thoughts of suicide. (It won’t “plant the idea” in their head—it actually helps them feel heard.)
- Encourage immediate help. If they’re in danger, call a crisis hotline, take them to an ER, or get in touch with a mental health professional.
- Remove potential means of self-harm. If possible, safely store away anything that could be used in a crisis (medications, weapons, etc.).
If you ever feel like their life is in immediate danger, don’t hesitate to seek emergency help. If you see these signs in someone you know, please give them the number or call the suicide hotline.
Step 6: Take Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally and physically exhausting. It’s okay to acknowledge that it’s hard, and it’s okay to take breaks when you need them, and it’s okay to ask for help.
- Doing things that bring you joy (exercise, hobbies, spending time with other friends)
- Setting clear boundaries (it’s okay to say, “I can’t talk right now” or “I need a mental break”)
- Seeking your own support (therapy, support groups, or talking to a trusted friend)
- Practicing self-care (whatever helps you recharge—reading, meditation, alone time, etc.)
If we use the airplane analogy, you put your mask on first before the children. Because if you can’t breathe, then you can’t be there to help others.
Taking care of yourself isn’t neglecting your loved one—it’s making sure you have the energy to be there for them and yourself long-term.
Final Thoughts
Helping a loved one through depression isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about showing up, listening, and offering gentle support.
If you or someone you know is struggling, professional help is out there. In Fort Collins, Lindsey Phillips, LPC, and Ben Smith, LPC, at Evolve Counseling Services specialize in helping adults, college students, and teens navigate anxiety, depression, and life’s challenges. They provide a supportive, down-to-earth approach that makes therapy feel accessible and effective, specializing in CBT. Offering in person for those local to Fort Collins, or online for others located throughout Colorado.
At the end of the day, small steps can make a big difference. Just knowing someone cares can be a light in the darkness for someone struggling with depression.
