“I can’t make a mistake.”
If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking this, or saying it out loud, you’re not the only one, believe it or not. Many people struggle with a deep-seated fear of making mistakes. It’s called perfectionism, and while it might look like high standards on the surface, underneath it’s often driven by anxiety, fear of failure, and pressure to be “enough.”
Perfectionism manifests as an insatiable need to be flawless and almost untouchable. It convinces us there’s no room for error, that we have to always be the best, and if we’re not? Cue the guilt, self-criticism, and burnout.
So, where does all this pressure come from? And how can we start letting go of it?
Where Does Perfectionism Come From?
There’s no one-size-fits-all explanation. Everyone’s story is a little different, but here are common roots.
1. Social Media Culture
We spend a lot of time scrolling through curated versions of other people’s lives—perfect homes, flawless selfies, unforgettable vacations. It’s easy to forget that we’re comparing our real life to someone else’s picture-perfect moment. But when you see “perfect” all the time, you start feeling like you aren’t good enough.
2. Pressure to Succeed
We live in a competitive world. Jobs are hard enough to get, college applications are brutal and long, half the time it’s about who you know and not what you know, and everyone seems to be hustling harder than I am. It’s no wonder perfectionism is on the rise!
There’s this constant pressure to prove your worth and stand out. “Good enough” doesn’t feel like enough when the bar keeps getting higher.
3. Personality Traits
Perfectionism is more common in people who don’t love surprises, rely heavily on external praise, and are really good at pushing through stress and fatigue to get things done. These traits can be strengths, but when they’re fueled by perfectionism, they can easily turn into burnout territory.
4. Needing to Feel Loved or Accepted
This one cuts deep. For many people, perfectionism is tied to the belief that they need to be “perfect” to be loved. They think their worth is based on how much they achieve or how well they perform. If they mess up, they fear they’ll be judged, rejected, or seen as not enough.
Are There Strategies to Help Manage Your Perfection?
Sure, there are! Managing is more about recognizing, though. So be sure not to think of it as “fixing”, and think of it as becoming more aware so you can control and adjust as needed.
Lower the Bar (Really)
Perfectionism pushes us to set impossible expectations—both for ourselves and sometimes even for others. And when we inevitably fall short (because no one can be perfect), we feel like we failed.
That’s where the “good enough” mindset comes in.
Instead of aiming for 100% every time, what if you tried aiming for 70–80%? Not because you’re slacking off, but because you’re being realistic. You’re still doing your best, just without crushing yourself under pressure. “Good enough” allows you to strive for quality and make room for mistakes, learning, and growth.
Pay Attention to Your Self-Talk
A lot of perfectionism comes from the way we talk to ourselves. Watch out for sentences that start with:
- “I should…”
- “I must…”
- “I need to…”
These words are usually referred to as red flags. When you catch them popping up, it’s a good sign that you need to pause and challenge the thought. Ask yourself: Is this actually true? Or is this just perfectionism telling me this?
Do you really need to work through the entire weekend to improve a project that’s already fine? Do you have to clean the whole house top to bottom before guests come over? Will the world fall apart if you don’t get all A’s this semester?
Probably not.
Swap Self-Criticism for Self-Compassion
Perfectionists are often super harsh on themselves. There’s this belief that being self-critical is what keeps them motivated. But here’s the thing: tearing yourself down isn’t the only way to grow, and over time, it does way more harm than good.
Try treating yourself like you would a close friend. If your friend made a mistake or fell short of a goal, would you say, “Wow, that’s pathetic”? Probably not. You’d reassure them, offer support, and remind them they’re still worthy.
That’s self-compassion. It’s not about making excuses—it’s about giving yourself permission to be human.
Practice Making Mistakes (Yep, On Purpose)
This one might sound wild, especially if you’re someone who avoids mistakes like the plague. But the best way to get comfortable with making mistakes… is actually to make some.
Perfectionists often see mistakes as disasters. But most of the time? They’re just mildly uncomfortable. Unpleasant, sure—but not catastrophic.
So try this: make a few small mistakes on purpose.
Send a text with a typo. Let someone see your messy handwriting. Wear mismatched socks. Then just… let it be. Don’t fix it, don’t explain it, don’t spiral about it. Sit with the discomfort and remind yourself: “This isn’t the end of the world.”
Once you can tolerate small mistakes, try stretching into slightly bigger ones. Nothing life-altering—just things that challenge your urge to be flawless. Like submitting something before it’s “perfect,” or sharing an idea that’s still a little rough.
You’re Not a Robot, You’re a Person
Perfectionism often causes us to forget that being human means being imperfect sometimes. We all make mistakes, we all have limits, and we all need rest. You are not a machine built for constant performance.
More importantly, your value isn’t based on how perfectly you do things. It’s based on who you are. The people who matter don’t love you because you’re perfect—they love you because you’re you.
So, instead of trying to prove your worth with every everything you do, allow yourself to show up as a whole, imperfect human being. That’s where real connection, creativity, and confidence come from.
Your Not Alone and Evolve Counseling Can Help
Perfectionism isn’t just about being “too hard on yourself.” It’s often rooted in deeper fears of failure, rejection, or not being enough. But it’s possible to live differently. With therapists at Evolve Counseling Services like Lindsey Phillips, LPC, and Ben Smith, LPC, who specialize in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), you can create a plan and exercises to help recognize and challenge thoughts before they take hold. With teletherapy, they make it easier for you to reach out and get the guidance you need.
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be you.
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