Many people experience clinical depression. In fact, recent studies show that about 20% of the U.S. population will experience major depressive disorder at some point in their lives. (source) But what exactly is clinical depression? How is it different from just feeling down or having a rough week? And does depression look the same in men and women?
How Do I Know If It’s Depression and Not Something Else?
Depression isn’t just a passing mood—it lingers. It often feels like “living in a dark hole”, where the way out becomes harder and harder to see. It’s different from other conditions, like anxiety, because it typically looks more like sluggishness rather than restlessness.
People with depression often:
- Struggle to get out of bed or feel physically weighed down.
- Lose interest in things that once brought them joy.
- Feel like all motivation has disappeared.
- Lose hope for the future, feeling like nothing will ever get better.
How Depression Looks in Both Men, Women, and Elderly
While depression affects both men and women, there are common signs that show up in everyone.
- A persistent feeling of sadness
Depression isn’t just occasional sadness; it’s a constant, overwhelming feeling of hopelessness.
- Loss of interest
Things you used to enjoy—hobbies, socializing, even food—may no longer feel enjoyable.
- Sleep changes
You may either sleep too much (hypersomnia) or not enough (insomnia), and sometimes it flips back and forth.
- Appetite and weight changes
Some people stop eating, while others overeat. Unintentional weight gain or loss is common.
- Psychomotor impacts
Depression can make you feel slowed down, where even small tasks feel exhausting. For others, it can cause restlessness and fidgeting.
- Low energy
Fatigue is constant, making even basic daily tasks feel impossible.
- Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
You may feel like you don’t matter, or experience unfounded guilt over things you can’t control.
- Poor concentration
Focusing on tasks, making decisions, or remembering details can be difficult.
- Thoughts about death or suicide
Depression can bring up thoughts of dying or suicidal ideation, which should always be taken seriously.
Do Men and Women Experience Depression Differently?
While the core symptoms of depression are similar, therapists tend to see certain differences in how it manifests between men and women.
For women, depression often includes:
- Rapid mood swings
Emotions may shift quickly and feel intense.
- Thoughts of suicide or self-harm
Women are more likely to think about or attempt self-harm.
- Heightened anxiety
Many women experience a mix of depression and anxiety, leading to excessive worry or panic attacks.
- Changes in eating habits
Some may lose their appetite, while others turn to food for comfort and overeat.
- Low self-esteem and negative self-talk
They may frequently criticize themselves, struggle with body image, or feel like they aren’t “good enough.”
- A complete loss of enjoyment
Even activities that used to bring joy feel empty.
- Depression related to hormonal shifts
Women often experience depression before menstruation (PMDD), after childbirth (postpartum depression), and during menopause.
For men, depression can show up as:
- Anger and irritability
Instead of sadness, men often express depression as frustration or aggression.
- Risky behavior
This could include excessive drinking, unsafe sex, reckless driving, or self-harm.
- Aches and pains
Physical symptoms like headaches, back pain, or stomach issues with no clear cause can be signs of depression.
- Substance abuse
Men are more likely to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs instead of acknowledging emotional distress.
- A tendency to isolate
Instead of talking about emotions, men with depression may withdraw from family and friends.
- Difficulty concentrating
Memory issues and trouble focusing can become noticeable.
Does Depression In The Elderly Look Different As Well?
Diagnosing depression in older adults can be really difficult because they often don’t talk about how they’re feeling. Instead of saying they’re depressed, they may just withdraw from activities or seem more frustrated and irritable.
Here are a few signs to look out for:
- Social withdrawal
They may stop attending family gatherings, cancel plans more often, or avoid socializing.
- Loss of interest in hobbies
Activities they once enjoyed—gardening, reading, watching favorite TV shows—may no longer interest them.
- Changes in personal hygiene
If they used to be well-groomed but now neglect bathing, brushing their hair, or dressing properly, it could be a sign of depression.
- Chronic pain without a clear medical cause
They may complain about aches, joint pain, or headaches that don’t have a clear medical explanation.
- Lack of motivation
They may seem uninterested in tasks like cooking, cleaning, or even leaving the house.
- Cognitive issues that mimic dementia
Depression can cause memory problems and confusion, making it easy to mistake for early dementia.
- Increased irritability or frustration
Instead of sadness, older adults may become more short-tempered or easily annoyed.
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
Insomnia or excessive sleep can indicate depression.
If you notice these behaviors in an older loved one, gently checking in with them or reaching out to a professional could be helpful.
How to Help a Loved One With Depression
“The phrase ‘meet them where they’re at’ is so important here,” explains Dr. Sullivan. “Not everybody is in a place where they feel like they can pursue treatment.”
Helping someone you love with depression can be one of the hardest things to do. It’s a delicate balance between supporting them and not overwhelming them with advice or pressure. One of the most important things you can do is simply be present—sometimes, just knowing that someone cares can make a significant difference.
Listening without judgment is crucial; rather than dismissing their feelings or attempting to “fix” them, offer a safe space for them to express themselves.
While encouragement is valuable, it’s important not to push—treatment is a personal choice, and they need to be ready to take that step on their own terms.
Getting Help Doesn’t Have to Be Hard
If you or someone you love is struggling with depression, Evolve Counseling Services in Fort Collins, Lindsey Phillips, LPC, and Ben Smith, LPC, specialize in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)—a proven, research-backed approach that helps reframe negative thoughts and find a more hopeful outlook on life. Evolve Counseling is here to help you succeed whether you need in-person or online sessions.
You don’t have to go through this alone. Let’s take it one session at a time.
