Most of us can think of at least one thing we’ve carried around way too long—something we feel embarrassed about, ashamed of, or wish we could rewrite entirely. Maybe it’s something from your childhood, or a relationship you handled poorly. Maybe you’re not totally comfortable with parts of yourself, or you haven’t been honest with someone you love. Sometimes the hardest baggage to carry isn’t even the “big stuff”—it’s the constant pressure to be someone different, someone better, someone who seems to have their life figured out on Instagram.
And while you can block someone’s number, exit a group chat, or walk away from a relationship that drains you… There’s one person you can’t walk away from: yourself. Trust me, many people try—by staying busy, or distracting themselves, or throwing all their energy into work or hobbies. But the truth always comes back: no matter where you go, there you are.
That’s why understanding and accepting yourself isn’t some fluffy “self-care trend.” It’s a foundational part of feeling good in your own skin, building healthy relationships, and living a life that actually feels like yours.
So let’s break down what self-acceptance really is, why so many of us struggle with it, and how therapy—especially CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)—can help you get there.
Self-Esteem vs. Self-Acceptance (Yes, They’re Different)
A lot of people mix up self-esteem and self-acceptance, but they’re actually different pieces of the puzzle.
Self-esteem is all about value—how much you feel you’re worth. It often shifts depending on your accomplishments, how productive you’ve been, or how other people respond to you. People shouldn’t want to be around you because you have a nice car, but because you’re fun to be around and you bring them happiness.
Self-acceptance, on the other hand, is about embracing all parts of yourself. Not just the shiny, impressive, Instagram-ready parts. It means acknowledging your flaws, your quirks, your mistakes, your feelings, your needs—everything. It doesn’t mean you have to love every part of yourself instantly. It just means you’re not running from the parts you don’t like.
The truth is, healthy self-esteem doesn’t happen without self-acceptance. If you only value yourself when you’re doing well, or being perfect, or performing for the world, it’s going to feel shaky and inconsistent. Self-acceptance creates a foundation. It says, “I’m allowed to be human.” And from there, real growth can happen.
Why It’s So Hard to Actually Like Yourself
Let’s be honest: we live in a world that thrives on making us feel insecure. If everyone woke up tomorrow and totally accepted themselves, certain industries would absolutely crumble. So we’re constantly being told we’re not enough—unless we buy something, change something, fix something, achieve something.
On top of that, a lot of people grow up with messages that stick with them long into adulthood. Maybe you learned to be the peacemaker, the quiet one, the “responsible” one, the “problem” one, or the “overachiever.” Maybe someone told you outright that you weren’t good enough, or maybe no one ever helped you understand your emotions in a healthy way. Experiences like trauma, bullying, unstable relationships, or family conflict can all shape the way you view yourself.
isAnd then there’s mental health. Anxiety, depression, perfectionism, OCD tendencies, trauma responses—these can all fuel a cycle of negative thoughts and self-criticism. Many therapists believe low self-worth is at the root of a lot of mental health struggles, not just a symptom.
So if you find yourself thinking, “Why is it so hard just to accept myself?”—you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not broken. You’re human.
What Self-Acceptance Actually Looks Like in Real Life
Self-acceptance isn’t about pretending everything is fine or never wanting to improve. It’s about stopping the internal war that’s been draining your energy for years.
It shows up a little differently for everyone, but there are some super common signs that you’re moving toward real self-acceptance. Think of these as the little shifts that start adding up over time:
- Instead of thinking, “Ugh, why am I like this?” you start to recognize that feelings are just… feelings. They come and go. You don’t yell at yourself for having them—you just let them exist without turning it into a whole internal fight.
- Your brain comes up with all kinds of wild ideas. Some are true, some are totally made up, and some are just old stories you’ve been repeating for years. Self-acceptance means you pause and ask, “Is this actually real, or just something my brain is saying right now?”
- You stop demanding perfection from yourself. You don’t have to be the best, the fastest, the most productive, or the most put-together human on earth. You can just be you—doing your best—and that’s enough.
- Scrolling still happens (we’re all human), but you start remembering that social media is basically a highlight reel with filters. Comparing yourself to it feels less tempting because you know it’s not the full picture.
- You stop sugarcoating things or pretending you don’t care when you actually do. Being real with yourself feels safer, not scary. And even though honesty can sting a little, it builds trust in who you are.
- You stop shrinking to make other people comfortable. You speak up, you share your opinions, you stop apologizing for existing. You realize you deserve to be in the room just as much as anyone else.
- Saying “no” stops feeling like you’re committing a crime. You start protecting your time, energy, and peace because you know they matter.
- You can acknowledge what you’ve been through (even the hard stuff) without letting it shape every decision you make today. Your past becomes something you understand—not something you drag around like a weight.
It’s about building a relationship with yourself that feels respectful and compassionate, instead of harsh and punishing. And like any relationship, it takes time and practice.
Practical Ways to Build More Self-Acceptance
Sometimes self-acceptance starts with small shifts—little things you do or notice that slowly change the way you relate to yourself. These everyday practices can make a big difference and help you build a kinder, more grounded relationship with who you are.
Set boundaries
Saying “no” is not selfish. It’s a way of telling yourself, “I matter too.” Boundaries build self-respect and protect your energy and sanity.
Be honest with yourself and others
Dishonesty creates shame, even in small doses. Practicing honesty, even when it’s awkward or uncomfortable, can strengthen trust in yourself.
Stop comparing your life to everyone else’s highlight reel
Comparison steals joy faster than anything. Putting away your phone or reducing social media time, or practicing gratitude by journaling, can help keep things in perspective.
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness basically helps you catch your patterns without beating yourself up over them. Instead of getting sucked into a thought spiral, you can just notice what you’re feeling and think, “Huh, that’s interesting,” instead of “What’s wrong with me?”
Affirmations and reframing
You don’t have to believe those positive affirmations right away. But practicing kinder self-talk, especially out loud, is a huge step toward acceptance.
Surround yourself with supportive people
If someone in your life makes you feel small, drained, or insecure on a regular basis, it’s worth re-evaluating that relationship.
Connect with nature or do things that ground you
In Colorado, we have endless options and ways to enjoy being outside, like a walk, a hike, sitting under a tree—these things sound simple, but they often help bring you back to yourself.
All of these tools are helpful, but they’re even more powerful when you combine them with therapeutic support, especially CBT.
How CBT at Evolve Counseling Helps You Understand and Accept Yourself
This is where Evolve Counseling Services in Fort Collins can make a real difference.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective, research-backed tools for helping people reshape the way they think about themselves. It’s practical, it’s empowering, and it helps you build genuine self-acceptance—not because someone tells you to “just be confident,” but because you learn how to shift the patterns that have been holding you back.
It helps you recognize negative thought patterns
Most of us don’t even realize how harsh we are to ourselves. CBT helps you identify the automatic thoughts—like “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess up,” or “People don’t really like me”—and understand where they come from.
It teaches you to challenge and reframe those thoughts
Instead of accepting every negative thought as the truth, CBT shows you how to test those thoughts, question them, and replace them with more realistic, balanced ones.
It helps you understand your behaviors
Maybe you isolate yourself. Maybe you people-please. Maybe you procrastinate, overwork, or avoid the things that matter. CBT helps you see the connection between thoughts, feelings, and actions.
It builds new habits that support self-acceptance
Over time, CBT helps you practice new ways of thinking and behaving that reinforce confidence, clarity, and self-respect.
It gives you tools you can use for the rest of your life
It teaches you practical skills you can use for the rest of your life—skills that help you understand your thoughts, calm your inner critic, and build healthier patterns day by day.
You’re Allowed to Be a Work in Progress
Self-acceptance isn’t a finish line. There’s no moment where you magically “arrive” and never struggle again. It’s more like a relationship with yourself—something you show up for every day, with patience and compassion.
If you’re ready to explore who you are, why you think the way you do, and how to finally make peace with the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding, the therapists at Evolve Counseling Services in Fort Collins are here to support you. Their specialists, Ben Smith, LPC and Lindsey Philips, LPC, work with clients across Colorado through online and in-person sessions. Their CBT-based approach is designed to help you build confidence, emotional clarity, and genuine self-acceptance—without the pressure to be perfect.
Reach out when you’re ready. You deserve a life where you can breathe a little easier, speak to yourself with kindness, and feel proud of the person you’re becoming.