Trying to talk to your teen about therapy can be intimidating and feel like walking through a minefield. Between hormones, emotions, school drama, and anything else that led them to therapy in the first place, they’ve got a lot going on. How you approach them can either really help their progress — or accidentally set it back.
Therapy is vulnerable. Your teen is opening up to a stranger while trying to figure themselves out. So, is it okay to talk to them about therapy?
The short answer: No, not exactly.
The longer answer: Yes, but it depends how you do it.
Confused? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Let’s break it down a little more.
Trust Is Everything to Your Teen
Parent involvement is absolutely important, no question about it. But there’s a catch. It’s how and when you get involved that really matters.
At some point, the therapist might ask you to join a session. They might need you to answer some questions, address concerns, or collaborate in how to support your teen better at home. But these meetings aren’t about spilling all the private stuff your teen shares during therapy. What they say stays confidential unless your child is in danger (to themselves or someone else).
Sometimes, family therapy is recommended too, so somebody can hear both sides. But once it’s back to one-on-one sessions are between your teen and their therapist, you’ll need to respect that boundary. Trust that the therapist knows what they’re doing. Therapy needs to stay a safe, private space, or else your teen will shut down and stop being honest. If they think everything they say will get back to you, that trust gets shattered fast.
So, How Can You Talk to Your Teen About Therapy?
Okay, back to the real question. How do you actually talk to your teen about therapy without overstepping?
There’s definitely a right way to do it. It just takes a little thoughtfulness. Here are a few ways to keep the conversation healthy and supportive:
1. Share Your Support (Out Loud!)
If your teen struggles with something like anxiety or depression, they’re probably already fighting a lot of negative thoughts: “No one really cares,” or “This isn’t going to help.”
Don’t assume they feel you support them, even if you think they do. Tell them. It can be a huge mindset shift for them just to hear you say it.
You might say something like:
“I’m really proud of you for taking the time to work on things with your therapist. I know that’s your space and your time, and I respect that. Just know I’m always here, whether you want to share something, ask for advice, or just have someone listen. I’m on your team, no matter what. And I love you.”
Saying this can be so simple, but so impactful for your teen, and most of all, it’s honest.
2. Don’t Pressure Them to Talk
Look, it’s totally normal to want to know what’s going on in therapy. It’s your kid! You want to understand, you want to help.
But here’s the hard truth. Therapy might be the first time your teen has ever had a space where they can unload their thoughts without fear of being judged. Respect that space.
Pushing them to tell you what they talked about can backfire big time. The more you pry, the more they’ll shut you out and possibly even their therapist, too. This can be detrimental to what the ultimate goal is, which is helping your child get their mental health in a better place. It’s about them.
If something serious comes up that you need to know, trust that the therapist will reach out. Otherwise, let your teen lead the way.
3. If You Do Ask, Keep It Vague
You can still check in, and we encourage you to! You just need to frame it differently. Instead of asking what they talked about, ask how they’re feeling about therapy overall.
Here are a few ideas on how you can ask:
- “Is there anything that’s been feeling a little easier since you started therapy?”
- “When you think about therapy now, does it feel more comforting, stressful, exciting, or something else?”
- “Are there ways therapy has helped you see yourself a little differently?”
Focus on their experience, not the details. This will keep the door open without putting them on the spot.
4. Don’t Contact Their Therapist Behind Their Back
This one’s big. Trust is fragile both with you and with their therapist.
If you have a concern you feel has to be addressed, be open about it. Tell your teen:
“Hey, I’m thinking about reaching out to your therapist just to check in and make sure I’m supporting you the best I can. I want to be upfront about it.”
That way, it doesn’t feel sneaky. It shows your teen that you respect their relationship with the therapist and that you’re working with them, not around them.
And remember, if the therapist isn’t calling you with urgent news, that’s actually a good thing. It means your teen is safe, and the therapist respects confidentiality, just like they should. So you can take a deep breath and know they’re in good hands.
5. Some Secrets Will Come Out…And That’s Okay
This one can be a little hard to hear. Your teen may share things in therapy about your family, your parenting, or their struggles that feel uncomfortable to hear secondhand. You might feel defensive. You might feel exposed. That’s totally normal.
But therapy isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about your teen’s mental and emotional health.
Sometimes families say things like “keep it in the family” when they’re embarrassed or scared about what might come out, like arguments, substance use, or family stress. But the truth is, healing can’t happen if the therapist only hears the “edited” version.
The more open your teen can be, the more therapy can actually help.
And if you feel uneasy about what might be coming up, it can help to do a little of your own homework, too. Look into what your teen might be working through, like anxiety, depression, or trauma, and how therapies like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) work.
CBT, for example, teaches skills to manage thoughts and emotions in healthier ways. It’s used for everything from depression and anxiety to addiction and relationship struggles. Knowing more about what your teen is learning can help you support them even better without needing all the gritty details.
This might also sound dramatic, but seeing a therapist yourself to better understand how to best help your child can also be extremely useful and eye-opening.
Final Thought
At the end of the day, therapy is about building trust, safety, and healing. Not just between your teen and their therapist but also between your teen and themselves.
Your job isn’t to control the process. It’s to be a steady, supportive presence cheering them on from the sidelines.
You’re not out of the loop. You’re part of their support team. And that matters more than you know.
Evolve Therapy Fort Collins understands how stressful this whole process can be and how hard it can be for you and your child to find someone you can trust to help. Lindsey Phillips, LPC, and Ben Smith, LPC, specialize in CBT, and with years of experience, they help teens 16 and older, college students, and adults navigate life and the challenges it brings. If your child is under this age but you still feel you need help, we can help you navigate this from the parents’ perspective and also help you to understand what they are experiencing, also giving you an opportunity to understand and process what your child is going through.
