At Evolve Counseling Services, we specialize in something called CBT—or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy—to help people navigate life when things feel heavy or overwhelming. A big part of CBT is learning to recognize how you think, especially when your thoughts are making your life harder than it needs to be.
One major roadblock that comes up for just about everyone? Cognitive distortions.
Sounds fancy, right? But really, cognitive distortions are just habits of thinking that are kinda twisted. Not evil-twisted, just inaccurate or overly negative in ways that mess with how you see yourself, other people, or the world.
“I tripped over my words during that meeting—my boss probably thinks I’m an idiot.”
“I texted my friend an hour ago and she still hasn’t replied. I bet she’s mad at me.”
“I didn’t finish everything on my to-do list. I’m totally failing at life.”
These are all distorted thoughts. And while we all have them once in a while, when they start showing up on repeat, they can fuel anxiety, depression, self-doubt, relationship drama… You get the idea.
So let’s break these down and talk about how to actually shift them.
What Do Cognitive Distortions Look Like?
Chances are, we’ve all had thoughts like these at some point. The good news? Once we learn to recognize them, we can start to challenge and change them.
All-or-Nothing Thinking (aka Black-and-White Thinking)
This is when your brain acts like everything has to be perfect or it’s a disaster. No middle ground.
- “I ate a slice of cake. My whole diet is ruined.”
- “I didn’t get an A on the test. I’m a complete failure.”
Reality check: Life is full of gray areas. One mistake, one detour, or one off-day doesn’t erase all the good things you’ve done.
Filtering Out the Good (aka Discounting the Positive)
Maybe you got a compliment from a coworker, but you immediately thought, “They’re just being nice.” Or you did a great job on a project, but chalked it up to luck.
If you keep brushing off the positives like they don’t count, your brain never gets the chance to build confidence or feel proud. That’s a problem.
Mind Reading
Ever walk into a room and instantly assume everyone’s judging you?
- “They must think I’m weird.”
- “He didn’t laugh at my joke. He probably doesn’t like me.”
Thing is, none of us are psychic. But when you assume you know what others are thinking—especially when it’s negative—you can spiral for no reason at all.
Catastrophizing
This one’s a doozy. You take a small problem and imagine the absolute worst outcome.
- “My car made a weird noise. It’s going to break down, and I won’t be able to afford repairs, and then I’ll lose my job because I showed up late and then I’ll be homeless.”
That’s a lot of fear based on one little sound. Your brain thinks it’s protecting you, but really, it’s exhausting you.
Emotional Reasoning
Just because you feel something doesn’t automatically make it true.
- “I feel stupid, so I must be.”
- “I feel anxious about this trip, so it’s probably a bad idea.”
Feelings are real, but they aren’t always reliable. It’s okay to feel them, but we don’t need to treat everyone like a fact.
Personalizing Everything
This one shows up when you blame yourself for things that aren’t even in your control, and these often show up most in relationships.
- “She’s in a bad mood… it must be because of something I did.”
- “They didn’t invite me. I must’ve done something wrong.”
Sometimes people just have stuff going on that has nothing to do with you. Letting go of that guilt can be freeing.
The “Should” Trap
- “I should be further along in my career.”
- “I should work out more, eat better, be more productive…”
Should-statements tend to come with a big ol’ side of shame. Instead of motivating you, they usually just make you feel like you’re not enough. Try swapping in “I’d like to” or “I want to” and see how different that feels.
Magical Thinking
This is the classic “everything will be better when…” trap.
- “When I lose 15 pounds, I’ll finally be happy.”
- “Once I get that new job, all my stress will go away.”
It’s not bad to have goals. But hanging all your happiness on future events is a risky bet. Life’s still going to be life, even after you hit that milestone.
Double Standards (But Just for You)
Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? Probably not.
This distortion shows up when you hold yourself to a way higher standard than you’d expect from anyone else.
- “Everyone else gets a break… but I should’ve known better.”
- “It’s fine if they mess up, but I can’t afford to.”
Be fair to yourself. You’re human too.
Selective Abstraction
You zoom in on one negative thing and ignore everything else.
Imagine giving a big presentation and afterward, 9 people compliment you—but one person gives lukewarm feedback. If that’s the only thing you think about? That’s selective abstraction.
Overgeneralization
One bad experience means it’s always going to be like that.
- “I bombed that interview. I’ll never get a job.”
- “That relationship ended badly. I can’t trust anyone again.”
One moment isn’t the whole story. It’s just one chapter.
Where Do These Thoughts Even Come From?
Great question. A lot of these distortions come from our early life experiences, like stuff we picked up from family, school, trauma, or just trying to make sense of the world.
Sometimes they helped us cope at the time. But the coping skills that kept us safe when we were younger don’t always serve us well as adults.
Think of it like carrying around old software on a new computer. It doesn’t always work well, and sometimes it slows everything down.
Are These Distorted Thoughts a Mental Health Diagnosis?
Nope. Having cognitive distortions doesn’t mean you’re “crazy” or that there’s something wrong with you.
We all have distorted thoughts from time to time. It’s part of being human.
But when they start affecting your relationships, your self-esteem, or your day-to-day functioning, it’s worth talking to someone about it. They’re common in conditions like depression, anxiety, and PTSD, but they’re also totally treatable!
Okay, So What Can I Do About It?
It sounds overwhelming, but luckily there is something you can do! Changing thought patterns takes time, but it’s absolutely doable.
Step 1: Catch the Thought
The first step is just noticing. Start paying attention to the thoughts that spike your anxiety or kill your motivation. What were you doing right before that thought showed up?
Write it down, if it helps.
Thought: “I sounded stupid in that meeting.”
Then look for what kind of distortion it might be. (All-or-nothing? Emotional reasoning? Mind reading?)
Step 2: Challenge the Thought
Ask yourself:
- Is this 100% true?
- Is there any evidence against this thought?
- What would I say to a friend if they said this about themselves?
You can also try writing out 3 alternative ways to see the situation.
“I felt nervous, but I still shared my ideas. That was brave.”
“I made one awkward comment, but overall, it seemed the meeting went fine.”
“No one else seemed to notice. I’m probably being harder on myself than I need to be.”
Step 3: Look at the Trade-Off
What do these thought patterns cost you?
Maybe they’ve kept you safe or helped you prepare for worst-case scenarios. But have they also held you back?
Try writing out a quick pros and cons list for one of your go-to distortions.
Pros: Helps me avoid disappointment.
Cons: Keeps me from trying new things. Makes me feel stuck.
Seeing the trade-offs can make you more willing to let go of patterns that don’t serve you anymore.
Why CBT Works So Well for This
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is all about helping you break out of those unhelpful thought loops. It teaches you how to catch those distorted thoughts, swap them for something more realistic, and respond in a way that actually makes sense, helping you to feel better emotionally and mentally.
It’s practical, evidence-based, and usually short-term. Think of it as mental fitness training. Just like working out your body, CBT helps you strengthen your mind.
Ready to Work on Your Thinking?
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Wow, that sounds like me”, you’re not alone. And the good news is: this stuff can change. You don’t have to be stuck with thoughts that tear you down or keep you feeling stuck.
At Evolve Counseling Fort Collins, we’re here to help you sort through these patterns and rebuild more helpful, grounded ways of thinking. Lindsey Phillips, LPC, and Ben Smith, LPC are experts in using CBT and helping you reshape your thought pattern, and best yet, they can do it from the comfort of your own home through teletherapy.
A better way of thinking—and feeling—starts with a conversation. We’re here when you’re ready.
