Let’s be real—anxiety can be a total buzzkill. It sneaks into every part of life, and yep, that includes your sex life. Whether it’s feeling on edge, stuck in your head, or just not in the mood, anxiety has a sneaky way of putting up walls between you and your partner. But understanding how it works can help you take those walls down.
Is Anxiety Holding You Back from Connecting with Your Partner?
What is Low Libido (Low Sex Drive)?
Low libido—or just feeling like your sex drive is running on empty—means you’re not as interested in sex as you used to be. It can be something that comes and goes, or it might stick around for a while.
Your sex drive is influenced by a mix of things: your hormones (like testosterone and estrogen), brain chemicals (dopamine and oxytocin), mental health, and even your relationships. It’s totally normal for libido to shift over time. Some people crave intimacy often, while others are perfectly happy with less. There’s no “correct” amount of desire—it’s all about what feels right for you.
But if you’re feeling down about your lack of interest in sex, it might be time to check in with a healthcare provider or a therapist. Sometimes it’s more than just a phase.
How Do You Know When It’s Anxiety That’s Causing Your Low Libido?
If you’ve noticed a drop in your sex drive and can’t pinpoint a physical reason, anxiety might be the culprit. Anxiety tends to come with excessive worry, racing thoughts, and physical tension—all of which can interfere with feeling relaxed and in the mood for intimacy. If stress and overthinking are constantly on your mind, and it’s getting in the way of intimacy, it could be anxiety that’s dragging down your libido.
When Your Body Feels Out of Sync
Anxiety isn’t just in your head—it takes over your whole body. Racing heart, tense muscles, and shallow breathing? Not exactly the recipe for feeling relaxed and in the moment. For guys, this can lead to trouble getting or keeping an erection. For women, it might mean pain during sex or just feeling disconnected from your partner. Stress makes it harder to feel aroused, plain and simple.
The Power of Negative Thoughts
Anxiety loves to stir up all kinds of negative self-talk. Thoughts like “What if I mess up?” or “Do they even find me attractive?” can creep in and kill the mood fast. This can chip away at your confidence, making you more self-conscious and less likely to want to be intimate at all.
The Communication Block
Let’s face it—talking about sex can be awkward even without anxiety. But when you’re anxious, it’s even harder to open up about what you want or need. When there isn’t good communication in a relationship, it can lead to misunderstandings in the bedroom, frustration on both parties, and a cycle of feeling disconnected from your partner.
Coping in Not-So-Healthy Ways
When anxiety makes intimacy feel complicated, it’s tempting to find ways to numb out. Some people turn to drinking, binge-watching shows, or even diving into porn a little too much to avoid facing the issue. While these might seem like quick fixes, they usually make things worse in the long run.
Stress Drains Your Energy
Feeling constantly anxious can be exhausting. Lack of sleep, mental overload, and physical fatigue can leave you feeling too drained to even think about sex. It’s hard to get in the mood when your body and mind are running on empty.
Relationship Tension
Anxiety can sneak into your relationship in unexpected ways. Maybe you’re not as responsive to your partner’s affection, or maybe the stress causes arguments that make intimacy feel even further out of reach. Sometimes, anxiety creates distance without you even realizing it.
When Anxiety Feeds on Itself
Here’s the kicker—sometimes, feeling disconnected sexually can make anxiety even worse. You start worrying about why your sex drive is low, and that stress only adds to the problem. It can turn into a frustrating cycle.
So, How Can You Get Your Groove Back?
Focus on Your Health
Taking care of your body can help clear some mental fog. Eating healthier foods like fruits and veggies, staying active and getting outside in the Colorado sun, and getting enough sleep. Exercise, in particular, is a great stress-buster and can naturally boost your energy levels and change your mood from blah to yeah!
Keep It Real with Your Partner
Don’t bottle it up. Talk to your partner about what’s going on. You don’t need to have all the answers—just being honest can take a lot of the pressure off. Let them know it’s not about them, and work through it together. There’s a power of putting feelings into words, and this will strengthen your relationship.
Stay Connected Intimately (Even If It’s Not Sex)
If sex feels like too much right now, that’s okay. Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex. Spend time cuddling on the couch, holding hands, sharing long hugs, or giving each other massages. Even small gestures like making your partner a cup of coffee or leaving them sweet notes on the mirror can build your relationship. Also try fun, non-sexual activities like cooking dinner together, going for walks around the lake or neighborhood, or having a night in with a cozy movie night. These small moments of affection can help keep that emotional connection strong and create a safe space to rebuild that intimacy.
Avoid Unhealthy Coping
It’s tempting to drown out the feelings of anxiety with alcohol, junk food, or endless scrolling on your phone in bed or in the bathroom, but those are just band-aids. They might feel good for a moment but often make things worse in the long run. Instead, try healthier ways to cope: go for a brisk walk, practice mindfulness or meditation, or get out of your comfort zone and find a hobby that brings you joy. Your hobby doesn’t need to be an outdoor activity either, although that would be beneficial. Journaling can also help untangle anxious thoughts, and talking to a therapist like Evolve Counseling Fort Collins can help give you the tools you need to manage your stress more effectively. These healthy coping strategies can make a real difference in both your mental well-being and your relationship.
Considering Professional Help To Help With Anxiety
Sometimes, anxiety is too big to tackle alone. That’s where we come in. At Evolve Counseling Fort Collins, Lindsey Phillips, LPC and Ben Smith, LPC help students and adults in Fort Collins and beyond work through anxiety and depression using CBT so they can live fuller, happier lives. Whether it’s in-person or through online sessions, we’re here to support you.
Feeling more like yourself is possible—and that includes getting your sex life back on track. Give us a call, and let’s talk about how we can help you feel better in every part of your life.