Life doesn’t always give you a warning before it pulls the rug out from under you. Maybe someone you love passed away. Maybe your relationship ended. Maybe it was a job you lost, a major move, or just that heavy feeling that life isn’t going the way you hoped.
Whatever it was, you’re left holding the pieces and wondering how to put things back together. And if that’s where you are right now, just know, you’re not alone.
Grief shows up in more places than we expect. It’s not just about death. You can grieve the end of a friendship, the loss of a pet, a dream that didn’t come true, or even a version of yourself you’re no longer able to be. And no matter the reason, grief is grief. It’s real, it’s valid, and it deserves space.
Let’s get this straight: It’s okay to not be okay
You don’t need to fake a smile. You don’t need to be strong for everyone else. You’re allowed to feel what you feel. Whether that’s sadness, anger, numbness, or even relief, followed by guilt. Whatever’s bubbling up is part of the process.
Grief is unpredictable. One day you’re functioning fine, the next day you can’t get out of bed because you saw an old photo or heard that one song. That doesn’t mean you’re going backward. It means you’re human.
Give yourself permission to fall apart. You’re not broken, you’re grieving. That’s a huge difference.
Emotional Coping: What to Do When Everything Feels Like Too Much
Grief isn’t just in your heart. But it can be a whole body shift. When this happens there are tools you can use to help you through those feelings.
- Name what you’re feeling. It helps. Seriously. “I’m feeling empty,” “I’m furious,” “I miss them so much it physically hurts.” Naming your emotions gives them a container. It’s grounding.
- Create little safe routines. These don’t need to be big rituals. Just small acts that make you feel more like yourself. Like lighting a candle in the evening, listening to calming music, or even walking the same route every morning.
- Let your feelings move through. Emotions aren’t meant to stay bottled up. Talk to someone. Journal. Cry. Scream into a pillow. Drive around and blast music. Whatever helps you get it out, do that.
- Watch out for numbing. Mindlessly scrolling, binge-watching, overeating, or drinking too much. It might feel like a break, but it’s just pushing the pain further down. Take those escapes in small doses, and be honest about whether they’re helping or hiding.
Everyone grieves differently—and that’s okay.
There’s no standard way to grieve. Some people cry nonstop. Others go totally numb. Some want to talk to everyone, and others shut down for a while. Some keep busy. Some can barely do the dishes.
Your path is your own. Don’t compare your timeline to someone else’s.
Understanding the Stages of Grief (and Why They Don’t Always Go in Order)
Back in 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what she called the five stages of grief. And while these stages were originally based on people facing terminal illness, they’ve been used widely to describe what people go through after any major loss.
They aren’t steps you “complete” or follow like a checklist. You might go through one, skip another, then circle back. They’re more like emotional landmarks that help you recognize what you’re feeling.
- Denial: “This can’t be happening.” It’s that shock, numbness, or disbelief when reality hasn’t quite set in.
- Anger: “Why is this happening to me?” This could look like frustration, blame, or just being mad at the world.
- Bargaining: “If I had just done ____, maybe things would’ve turned out differently.” This stage is full of “what ifs” and “if onlys.”
- Depression: “I’m too tired to do this.” You might feel sad, hopeless, or like the weight of it all is just too much.
- Acceptance: “This is my new reality, and I’m learning how to live with it.” Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re happy about the loss. It just means you’re starting to find peace in the middle of it.
The truth is, you can feel all five of these in one week… or even in one day. They’re not meant for you to fixate on and figure out how to go to the next one. They’re just there to help you make sense of what you’re experiencing.
Self-Compassion: Be as Kind to Yourself as You’d Be to a Friend
Grief has a way of making you your own worst critic. Thoughts like “I should be over this by now,” or “Why can’t I just get it together?” might creep in.
But think about how you’d respond to a friend in your shoes. You’d tell them it’s okay. You’d remind them they’re doing the best they can. You’d say healing takes time. So why not talk to yourself that way?
How you talk to yourself matters more than you think. A little self-kindness can take the sting out of the hard days.
Self-Care: Supporting Your Body to Help Your Heart
Grief doesn’t just live in your mind. It lives in your body, too. You might feel drained, achy, foggy, or just not like yourself. That’s because your nervous system is under serious pressure trying to process everything.
- Eat something real. No judgment, just try to put something with actual nutrients in your body. A smoothie. A warm bowl of soup. A handful of almonds. Something simple.
- Move your body. You don’t have to hit the gym. Just stretch. Walk around the block. Let your muscles remember what it feels like to be in motion.
- Sleep as best you can. Grief messes with rest. But consistent sleep, even just lying down at the same time each night, helps your brain recover.
- Hydrate. Crying? Stressed? Exhausted? Water helps. More than you think.
- Talk to Someone. Talk to a friend, a family member, or an expert like Evolve Counseling Services Fort Collins. Saying things out loud can help you to recognize how you feel and how to move forward from there.
Self-care won’t magically fix the grief, but it will give you the strength to keep facing it.
Let grief take shape
Not all grief needs words. Sometimes it needs creativity.
You might write letters to someone you lost. Or plant something in their memory. Some people make quilts of old shirts, or have a spot that they visit to remember them.
Find your own way of making space for your loss and honoring it.
What Grief Isn’t
There a a lot of common myths about how to handle grief.
- “If I’m not crying, I must not care.” Not true. Tears aren’t the only sign of grief.
- “I should be over this by now.” There’s no timeline. Grief doesn’t use a calendar.
- “Being strong means not feeling it.” Nope. Strength is feeling it and still showing up.
- “Avoiding it will make it easier.” Actually, avoiding it gives grief a louder megaphone.
- “Moving forward means letting go.” You can carry the love with you forever and still move forward.
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting
You don’t have to “move on.” You don’t even have to stop missing what (or who) you lost. Moving forward just means finding a new way to live with that loss. A way that allows you to feel joy again, without guilt.
It’s kind of like breaking a favorite mug. You might glue it back together and see the cracks every day, but it still holds your morning coffee. It still serves a purpose. The cracks just tell a story now of love, loss, and now healing.
You don’t have to do it alone
Healing is hard, but you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
At Evolve Counseling Services, we help people find steady ground after loss. Our therapists, Lindsey Phillips, LPC, and Ben Smith, LPC , specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and it is a proven approach that helps you untangle painful thoughts, shift your mindset, and start seeing hope again.
With online therapy sessions also offered, they really try to make it as easy as possible while you’re going through such a hard time to get help.
There’s no rush. No pressure. Just honest, compassionate help at your pace.
You deserve care. You deserve to heal. And you absolutely deserve a life that feels worth living again.