It’s that time already. Students are heading back to class. For many, heading back to school is unpleasant. The experience can increase depression or anxiety and leave students feeling terrible about the start of the semester. The good news is that there are things you can do to reduce these feelings.

The dread

In looking back on how I used to experience back to school, I vividly remember the dread. I knew back to school meant losing the freedom and easy-going nature of summer. It meant stress, frustration, and forcing myself to work on things I didn’t really care about. For others, back to school means test anxiety, self-doubt, panic attacks, worry about interacting with others, pressure, insecurity, the list goes on and on. Oh, and let’s not forget, students are trying to manage all this in the midst of a pandemic.

What can I do to help the transition?

If you know a bit about our practice, you probably know we employ Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) to assist clients. CBT can be incredibly helpful for easing the back to school transition. It contains two parts. The first is examining your thoughts about back to school. What’s likely happening is you don’t feel great about heading back to class, so you’re telling yourself all sorts of pessimistic messages about what the experience will be. Those messages are fueling negative emotions. Those feelings, in turn, are piling on additional pessimistic messages, and before you know it, you’ve got a feedback loop between negative thoughts and emotions that’s hard to break. We can train you to recognize your pessimistic thoughts and dismantle them so they don’t carry as much power. CBT can show you how to see the experience of back to school in a more objective way instead of the horror story your brain is tricking you into believing. If you see the experience of back to school more realistically, you won’t be feeling those intensely negative emotions as a result.

The second part of CBT is looking at your behaviors and making adjustments to your actions. There may be issues with time management, procrastination, organizing, problem solving, etc. that are contributing to feeling badly about back to school. With CBT we can assess how behaviors are serving you and make adjustments to them to increase your confidence and improve school outcomes.

If you’re worried about back to school and want to work on it in counseling, I’d love to chat with you. Please give our office a call, and we can discuss further.

-Lindsey-

For decades we have either chosen or been recommended work based on our interests. Many career assessments attempt to assign a specific job or field of work based on individual preferences. There can be some wisdom to working within your personal tendencies. However, as we will examine, even a job matching your interests can be undesirable if the surrounding setting conditions fail to meet your values.

By contrast, The US Department of Labor offers values based career assessments that do not recommend any specific type of work, only recommendations about the conditions such as: Support, Achievement, Recognition, Relationships, General Working Conditions, and Independence. This is an incredibly useful assessment as personal values are not always in the forefront of our awareness, yet influence our decisions daily.

Have you ever met someone with an unusual job that likes it? (i.e., mortician, waste management, sewer / water treatment) Odds are, these people did not aspire to this work since they were children. They likely have found work that has met their values. When we begin to match work to our values the potential places of employment expand tremendously often into realms we have never considered.

So why might picking by interest be leading us astray? Consider the inverse: A person loves cars and spends hours tunning up their car on the weekends. They decide to work as a mechanic on this basis. However, this same person is highly sociable and what they value most about their automotive hobby is the ability to connect with others by sharing their project. The reality of living life as a mechanic might be working alone, in the corner of a shop, wrenching away on an SUV. How long is this sustainable given the conflict in values? This example shows how values give a much broader perspective to career selection while choosing by interest has the possibility to overlook the underlying value that makes the interest attractive in the first place.

If you would like to discuss further your professional development, we support people in navigating their career development every day. Helping people live out their values through their work.

If you’d like to see what your career values are check out this link for the free assessment: https://www.careeronestop.org/Toolkit/Careers/work-values-matcher-assessment.aspx

-Ben-

Behavior activation is a concept that comes from Cognitive-Behavior Therapy and is well supported by research. We implement behavior activation when depression is present. Essentially, depression likes to create an environment where it can thrive. What that looks like is people isolating themselves, not sleeping or eating properly, not taking care of themselves, not exercising, watching too much TV, or spending too much time on social media. When these conditions are present, depression is able to flourish.

This is where behavior activation comes in. These practices create an environment that is inhospitable to depression. When people engage in behavior activation consistently, their depression symptoms improve.

What are some behavior activation practices?

The list below describes some classic behavior activation practices, however, it is not exhaustive. A part of behavior activation also includes people incorporating additional activities that bring them joy.

Get off the couch and get moving. This is one of the most difficult things to do when depression is present, but physical activity is imperative. Go for a walk or a bike ride. Do an exercise routine that you found on YouTube. Dance around your house. Lift some weights. Go on a hike. The options are endless-just get moving.

Spend time with friends and family. Depression likes for us to isolate. Make sure your meet up with people regularly. Depression is going to make the idea of seeing people really unappealing, but there is a strong likelihood that once you are with others, you’ll feel better.

Take care of your hygiene. Depression makes it difficult to shower, brush our teeth, comb our hair, and change our clothes. Even if you don’t feel like it, keep taking care of yourself.

Do your chores. It’s so easy to let household responsibilities slip when we feel depressed. Make sure you’re attending to the laundry, the dishes, cleaning, paying bills, etc.

Establish good sleep habits. Depression makes us prone to sleep too much or too little. Try to get between 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Set a solid night routine that lets you decompress and drift to sleep. For additional tips on good sleep practices, see our blog from October 2019.

Give yourself some credit

Your engagement in behavior activation doesn’t have to be perfect. Set small goals initially, and add in more practices as time goes on. As you accomplish your behavior activation, be sure to take a moment to acknowledge that you did something good for yourself. And…you did it under circumstances that were really difficult-fighting the opposition of depression.

If you are struggling with depression and want to get behavior activation in place, I’d love to chat with you. Please give our office a call, and we can discuss further.

-Lindsey-

We are all prone to making the mistake of thinking in either-or terms, but this trap becomes especially likely if we are dealing with depression and/or anxiety. Thinking in black and white terms is a cognitive distortion (see our blog from March 2020 for an introduction to cognitive distortions). This concept is also called all-or-nothing thinking, polarized thinking, or dichotomous thinking.

The hallmark feature of this pattern of thinking is dividing conclusions into two polar opposite categories-It’s good/acceptable or it’s bad/failure. And to add insult to injury, we tend to define what’s acceptable in very narrow terms which leaves a lot of room to deem everything else a failure.

What Happened to “The Gray Area?”

A great example of how dichotomous thinking functions comes from letter grades. I see quite a few students, and many assert that an A is acceptable and anything else is a failure. It’s been awhile since I was in school, but last time I checked, an F is a failure. Although maybe not ideal, Ds, Cs, and Bs mean you pass and produced work that didn’t constitute failure.

The real shame with this cognitive distortion is that it doesn’t allow for people to acknowledge what progress they have made. There is no room to say “I didn’t meet my ultimate goal, but I did accomplish X, Y, and Z.” We berate ourselves for not hitting that narrow range of acceptable and feel anxious/depressed as a result.

We Do Better Than We Realize

To combat this trap, we have to first realize that it’s happening. Ask yourself if you are prone to this way of thinking, and in what situations does it tend to happen. From there, when you recognize you’re falling into the trap, consider the following questions:

• What did I accomplish?
• What did go well?
• What can I give myself credit for?
• What’s the gray area I’m not seeing?

What was accomplished needs to become the focus-not where you fell short. If we can answer these questions honestly, they will illuminate that there are positive things going on which will decrease feelings of depression/anxiety.

If you are struggling with black and white thinking or cognitive distortions and want to work on them in counseling, I’d love to chat with you. Please give our office a call, and we can discuss further.

-Lindsey-

Mindfulness continues to gain popularity as an effective tactic to treat depression and anxiety. In this month’s blog, I outline some specific exercises you can do to engage in mindfulness. In short, mindfulness is consciously choosing to attend to the present moment and not allowing your mind to wander to the past or future. For a more in depth explanation for what mindfulness is, see our blog from June 2019.

Mindful Breathing

Attention to each breath. Feel every sensation as it enters, fills your lungs, expands your belly, and leaves your body.

• Counting patterns: 4 count inhale, pause for 1 count, 4 count exhale, or create your own
• Option for a peaceful word or scene
• Schedule designated time for mindful breathing or use in the moment when needed

Sensory Mindfulness

Paying close attention to information coming in through your senses.

• Visual: What does it look like? What’s the shape? What are the colors? What does the texture look like?
• Auditory: What is the overall sound? How loud is it? Does the sound change?
• Touch: What does it feel like? What is the texture? How hard or soft is it? Is there variation?
• Smell: What odors can you notice? How strong are they? Are they changing?
• Taste: What is the overall flavor? What’s the temperature? What’s the consistency? How is this bite unique?

Thought Diffusion

Observe your thoughts without judgment and without getting “hooked” on any of them. Don’t try to change them, rather just observe what enters your mind. Use a visualization exercise to excuse them:.

• Watch your thoughts float away on clouds
• See a stream and watch the thoughts float away on leaves
• See your thoughts written in the sand and watch the waves wash them away
• Picture yourself in your car and see your thoughts pass by on billboards
• Picture yourself standing in a room with 2 doors. Watch the thoughts come through one and exit through another
• Make up your own visualization

Emotion Exposure

Focus on the emotion you feel and study it while fully experiencing the feeling. Observe the emotion without acting on it or trying to change it.

• Identify the emotion. What is it?
• Are there other subtle emotions present? What are they?
• Is the feeling growing or diminishing? What’s the intensity?
• Is the emotion morphing into a different feeling? What is the new feeling?
• Notice any judgments about the emotion or yourself and excuse them.

You can do emotion exposure with any emotion, even with negative ones. Intensely studying the feeling tends to take its power away and enhances your feeling of control over the emotion.

If you’d like to learn more about mindfulness, I’d love to chat with you. Please give our office a call, and we can discuss further.

-Lindsey-

In honor of Valentine’s day, I wanted this blog to cover an important concept regarding romantic relationships: Adult Attachment. There is a growing body of research that examines how we as adults attach or bond to our significant others. There are 4 attachment styles that have been identified. Sometimes people fit cleanly into one category, and sometimes people are a mix. Securely attached people have healthy relationships while insecure attachment leads to conflictual relationships.

1.) Secure Attachment

• Comfortable with emotional closeness.
• Depends on partner to meet emotional needs and is able to meet the emotional needs of their partner.
• Has an independent life outside of the relationship and encourages their partner to have an independent life as well.
• Communicates directly and openly.
• Manages feelings effectively. Does not get overly emotional about relationship issues.

The following styles are considered Insecure Attachment which means the health and functioning of the relationship are at risk.

2.) Avoidant/Dismissive

• Emotionally distant and keeps partner at an arm’s length.
• Unable to meet emotional needs of partner especially when the partner is seeking closeness.
• Over-emphasis on independence. Does not invite partner into their world and prefers to be alone.
• Doesn’t communicate much about emotions. Tendency to hold emotions in and then explode.

3.) Anxious/Preoccupied

• Feels consistently worried about the state of the relationship. Has persistent concern about rejection and abandonment.
• Seeks reassurance from partner frequently which can push partner away.
• Independence is a source of anxiety. Wants to combine their life with partner’s and have no distinction between the two.
• Highly sensitive to partner’s behavior. Takes their partner’s actions personally.
• Emotion is not well regulated.
• Can appear controlling.

4.) Disorganized/Unresolved

• Potential history of trauma meaning neglect, physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse as a child. As a result, may recreate past dysfunctional relationship patterns.
• Difficulty tolerating emotional closeness.
• Poor communication, argumentative, aggressive, highly confrontational.
• May demonstrate abusive behavior.
• Does not demonstrate much empathy or support for partner.

The way we attach to others as an adult stems from how we attached to caregivers in our early years. If responsive, supportive, loving caregivers were present, then children generally develop secure attachment which they carry with them into adulthood. However, if during childhood caregivers were inconsistent, emotionally distant, dysregulated, or even abusive, then it’s likely an insecure attachment style would develop and play out in adult relationships.

When it comes to insecure attachment, the good news is that people can shift their attachment style. They can learn new behaviors and new ways of interacting with partners that are more in line with secure attachment.

If you are struggling with a relationship and want to work through it in counseling, I’d love to chat with you. Please give our office a call, and we can discuss further.

-Lindsey-

Do an internet search for New Year’s Resolution memes and you’ll be met with a bevy of cynicism, lambasting people for failing to keep their personal commitments. The data doesn’t look much better. A Forbes survey found that only 25% of people show any ongoing commitment to their resolutions with 8% actually accomplishing their goals. Professional Counseling is the art and science of personal change. For many years, the field has studied what helps people accomplish change.  Consider these seven critical precursors to personal change before making your resolutions official:

1. A sense of necessity for change: Do you feel an urgency or believe that change will be instrumental to improving your life? Is it your idea to change or have you heard from others that you ought to change? Change is more likely to be accomplished when it comes from within.
2. A willingness or Readiness to experience anxiety: This is nothing easy about change. We are organisms who are more likely to repeat their past behavior that spontaneously demonstrate new behavior. Taking risks and getting outside of our comfort zone is a must.
3. Awareness of the problem: Not only is it important to understand your challenge as a problem, but also having awareness of the thoughts and emotions that surround it. As an example, many people have weight loss goals but only attempt to change their behavior regarding to diet and exercise, ignoring the role of their thoughts and emotions.
4. Confronting the Problem: Confrontation is not the same as awareness. Confrontation, as put by the researcher, is “the steady and deliberate attending to and observation of anything intimidating, painful, or confusing… in spite of the tendency to avoid.. or otherwise escape it”. Confrontation is much more willful and brave than simply knowing how and why a problem exists.
5. Effort or will towards change: Effort, time and energy are all invaluable agents in helping us grow. What we put our efforts towards tends to gain momentum and momentum is unlikely to be spontaneous
6. Hope for Change: Simply stated, this is a realistic expectation that change is possible. It is necessary to approach the challenge and anxieties of change believing you have a shot at being successful. Even somewhat unfavorable odds, say 1 in 5, encapsulate an amount of defeat that people can tolerate and feel as though risk is worthwhile.
7. Social support for change: We are social animals who accomplish few things alone. Consider the relationships that will help you maintain encouragement, accountability, and keep your progress in perspective

Read the full article by F. Hannah PhD below:

https://www.dhss.delaware.gov/dsamh/files/precursors1192.pdf

Hannah’s precursors for change make a compelling case. We can likely reference these against times in our lives when we were successful in meeting a goals verses unsuccessful times and see a corollary presence of the factors above. It seems that society does us no favors by making new years resolutions seem compulsory. If most of the precursory factors are absent a negative experience around goal setting seems probable and then likely discourage us from future goal setting. In short, an arbitrary date on the calendar is not a precursor to change. The right time for change is when you have the helpful elements in your life.

Sometimes, professional support is part of a person’s social support for change. If you are looking for professional collaboration we help people achieve their goals every day. Please reach out if you would like to learn more.  -Ben-

Often times, when people think of the benefits of seeing a therapist they assume that the purpose is to work through emotion or, in psycho-babble terms, experience emotional catharsis. We hear the adages about not bottling up our feelings to avoid them from overwhelming us and it can feel good to blow off some steam. However, the research is more and more indicating that expressing your feelings alone can be counterproductive.

Let’s take a deeper look into the logic of this maxim:

1. Let’s say we get some things off our chest by talking about what’s bothering us. At the same time, we are better prepared to cope if this happens again in the future. Often strong feelings are spurred on by life challenges. Simple pragmatism says that just talking about how you feel isn’t enough to resolve an ongoing challenge. By contrast, a plan of how to effectively address challenges tends to lower anxiety.
2. What if we vent off our feeling unchallenged? We could be missing something that we don’t understand about the situation or fail to see our own role in the emotional experience. Further, without being checked, catharsis may serve to reinforce our negative, erroneous beliefs about a situation making it harder to calm down or change one’s mind in the future.
3. When catharsis is performed through aggressive means it can have other adverse consequences. For example, when people dealing with anger are invited to express the anger through physically violent means (i.e. hitting a punching bag) it typically perpetuates further violent behavior in the future. The same could be said for verbal aggression used for “venting”.

I do not mean to insinuate that expressing your feelings is bad. However, I hope the examples above help to demonstrate the side effects and failures pure venting can incur. These emotional Catharsis myths help to illustrate some of the distinct benefits of talking to a therapist. For example, effective therapists offer evidence based skills, challenge and reframe what we think, and encourage adaptive means of coping. That being said, If you’re looking for therapy with lasting, high quality skills, reach out today.