Many of my clients seek counseling after a breakup. Let’s face it…breakups can be devastating and leave you feeling like a different person. Your emotions may be all over the place, and you just want to feel better. Here are some important things to keep in mind for getting through a breakup and alleviating your pain.
It wasn’t that great.
I know…that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Most people, after a breakup, fixate on the wonderful things about the relationship. They tend to put on their rose colored glasses and remember the relationship better than it was. It’s important to remind yourself of the challenges, incompatibilities, and downside as well. Just remembering the good stuff doesn’t give you an accurate picture of the relationship. What’s more realistic, and will help you move forward, is acknowledging the problems and keeping those in mind when you reflect on your time together.
It’s time to distract yourself.
After a breakup, you may not feel like doing much. You may be tempted to isolate yourself and let your thoughts take over. Being alone with your thoughts generally leads to increased depression and anxiety-it’s not helpful. What is helpful is getting out of the house and doing things. It may feel like more of an effort, but go to dinner with friends, or take that spin class you’ve been thinking about, or volunteer for a charitable organization. There are endless options for activities. Pick some you would enjoy and get to it!
You will find love again.
Many of my clients say to me after a breakup, “I will never find another relationship like that.” It may feel like that now, but is that a true statement? Are you really never, for the rest of your life, going to have a fulfilling, romantic relationship with another person? What are the chances that would happen? It’s not likely. As time moves on, you will find yourself interested in dating again, and eventually, you will find another special person with whom you can develop an amazing relationship. Again, I know that’s hard to see after a breakup, but try to keep it in mind and create an optimistic outlook for future relationships.
If you are struggling with a breakup and want to work through it in counseling, I’d love to chat with you. Please give our office a call, and we can discuss further.